It’s been a slow gentle start into 2022 at Bluestocking Towers. I strongly resist pressure to launch into New Year with frenzied gusto and try sink into the realisation that it’s deep Winter and I am still hibernating thank you.
When Life doesn’t offer me an obvious route, my energy is low and there’s confusion and doubt, I’ve learned to wait and listen. I used to push and force things, firing off emails that went ignored, signing up to courses that turned out to be unrewarding and unaligned. I’m now trying to honour that if it’s not a fully bodied Yes, it’s probably a No from me.
More and more I come to see my New Year as Spring when the Earth welcomes back the light and the rest of the creatures unfurl from their Winter slumber. That’s when energy and freshness returns. Until then I’m taking it mega easy, no pressure, no haste, watching, waiting with patience. Building energy.
Having said that, I am slowly attempting to get our 2022 Digital Project (Dij – Proj) up and running but again, it’s slow (resisting the urge to call it ‘painfully slow,’ since that’s my ego wanting things to happen yesterday). It’s taking as long as it takes. But I’m becoming excited about the prospect of learning how to write and produce for film, writing a mini short that will be told through the camera and teaming up with people who have experience with this kind of stuff, I’m allowing that to excite rather than overwhelm me. The project is in it’s very baby stages. Because of that I can’t really even articulate what it is, it’s an abstract concept floating in the ether right now but soon it will be concretised and more tangible. We don’t have to have all the answers to start a creative project, we just have to follow the whispers, trust and allow Life to guide us. This is what I’ve learnt so far in the two years or so of building this company. My mantra is often ‘I don’t know what I’m doing, I’ve never done it before!’ but I allow myself to have a go and before I know it I’ve done it and have a better grasp of what I’m doing. Until the next time. This is growth. Messy often, step by muddy step, sometimes blind, grasping for another hand to pull us up and help us reach the next level.
I’ve got a couple of written projects in the pipeline (they’ve been atrophying in that old pipeline for a while now though). I’m summoning energy and clarity to move forwards. Trick is to just not stop, slow down to snail’s pace but whatever you do – do not quit – for God’s sake we need you. The first play I ever fully wrote, Shade Queen, is being performed at ADP this month so keep your eye out for that, that’ll really help me understand what’s needed to move forward with it. Nothing quite like having actors saying your words to help you realise what’s working and what isn’t.
So if you’re feeling creatively blah, unsure, a little off balance, unfocused and with nothing especially going on, lean into it and accept this is where you’re at right now. Fill yourself creatively, watch films, go to galleries, read poetry, try morning pages. The flow will return, just trust.